2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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