He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
