So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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