Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize