I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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