I feel like abortions should bother me more
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
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