this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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