please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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