Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize