today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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