Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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