You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize