My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize