Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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