Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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