We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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