If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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