she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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