Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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