I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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