Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize