Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize