My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize