nut hugger
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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