i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize