my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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