his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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