Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize