i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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