guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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