I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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