My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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