i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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