i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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