Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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