Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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