Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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