I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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