OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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