I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize