You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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