she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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