I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its liver damage thursday
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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