Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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