You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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