gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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