yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize