we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize