i think i have two assholes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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