My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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